Sunday, December 6, 2009

Can't Stop, Can't Stop, Can't Stop

The more I feel like the world is tugging on me to attend to other tasks, the more I want to write. This is how I work through my thoughts. Once I have them on paper (proverbially or literally), things begin to make sense.

I might have been born with a pen in my hand. Poor Mom.

This has been the way I make sense of things for years. Sometimes it comes out in manifestations like these, other times something entirely different. I was flipping through some things I've written in the past and I found this. I wrote it in March, at an ungodly (pun unintentional) hour when I for some reason was plagued by insomnia, which happens from time to time. I have this issue with turning my brain off. I could literally lie in bed for an hour before falling asleep just because so many thoughts are darting through my head that it takes a lot of effort -- or a very heavy onset of drowsiness -- to quiet them down for a few hours to rest. These were some of the thoughts occupying my mind. For whoever reads this... I hope it makes sense to someone besides me!

I am Lord of all.
From the explosive stars in other galaxies heaving their last breaths before bursting in a blaze of light
To the labyrinthine grooves on your fingers, each a unique charybdis painted onto a living canvas
I am Lord of all.
My voice wrote the symphony of the universe, the notes grazing along the grass and soaring above the treetops
The notes jetting beneath the hand of light reaching towards the depths of the ocean
The notes embracing one another in their paths toward what they dream of
The rests sinking in between all these things to slow their perfect movement

But no rest can stop what I have put into motion
Even he who aims to ruin what I've created cannot break the endless song.

I am Lord of all.

The same breath that spoke all you know from incomprehensible nothingness into being
Also persuaded the heart of a man whom I gave to fall beneath the stones of the thoughtless creatures I sculpted
Out of love they were crafted
Out of love they were offered a ladder from the torrential floods of their own depravity
Often I hear the mocking laughs echo from the roar, sneering at the hand that is infinitely near to their hearts
Waiting for them to grasp it

But I will not be shaken from my intent
When I shot the arrow of time into space, I did so with perfect aim
It will not miss the target, that day when I bring my children home with me
They who cried out in the waves and curled their fingers around the rungs of my salvation
Even when they feared the height at which they were hanging above their former home
Or that I'd let them slip from me back into the ruin
I never let one stray return to the heavy currents that once tore the life from their tired legs
I leave no good work undone.
I am Lord of all.

I both painted the brightness of your smile and determined the weight of your tears.
I filled your spirit with warmth that brings others to your presence
And loved your freedom too dearly to erase the coolness that sometimes left you watching their backs turn away.
But I cannot be banished by one's resisting push from any crevice or miserable crack
You are never truly alone
I am Lord of all.

My glory cannot be contained by the false universe my creation has sloppily built within the one whizzing about them in truth and wonder.
The unspoken conventions that cloud you from seeing the depth and color of one another's eyes and hearts
The whispers behind your careless hands of how things must be
Darkening what is beautiful in my eyes and making my artful works a wobbling step upon which you think to perch yourself above all else
Seeking to dare the fates to bless those you deem uglier, poorer, weaker, dumber.
Those who wearily traipse behind the proud march of their ornamented persecutors will one day live among the splendor of the architect and emperor of everything.
Only fruitless denial will follow my uncontainable majesty as their gnarled bodies are cloaked in pure light.
I am Lord of all.

Lord, thank You so much for understanding that I will never understand. I'm glad that You realize the limits of my own mind to begin to comprehend exactly who You are, because I would be hopeless if You expected me to learn Your every mysterious way and the vastness of Your glory. Just knowing that You are more mighty and awesome than I can fully grasp is enough. I'm glad to surrender to someone so much more great than I. Your miraculous love astounds me. Remind me every moment that I live for You, and I have more than every reason to do so joyfully and passionately. You are glorious.

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